Becoming The Uberman - Week 6: "What it means to be Uberman"

witThis is an on-going quest for uberness (well, kinda). If you haven't read any of my previous posts, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. Go here to see all the days gone by so far.

---

Formalities of Progression

No, your eyes do not deceive you - gee-whiz-pop-golly this is indeed an Uberman update, let’s all rip open the condoms, bathe in oil and talk about how elephants mate (Have you seen them in action? DAI-YUM!) Moving on; I know I haven’t keept you guys in the loop recently, and I apologize for that, but this was for good reason as you shall soon see.

The truth is - I have a confession to make. Not only have I achieved an Uber-level over 9000 (And to all you noobz out there, that means that I’ve fully adapted. Here, save yourself further embarrassment and watch this, you’ll thank me later), but since roughly the 12th of June I had officially achieved complete Uberness. What’s surprising is I myself hadn’t noticed the change till recent, in fact, I found out rather spontaneously. Have you ever had a bad/annoying strain of hiccups that suddenly disappears without notice? Yeah, like that. One day as I was reading I thought; “Wait a second... I’m not sleepy!” That’s how I realized. I finally became an Uberman.

It was astonishing how smooth and unnoticeable the transition was, considering the state I was in just a couple of days before hand. An even more awesome discovery was that I no longer required alarms; I almost always awoke naturally after exactly 20 minutes. My body had finally understood: 20 minutes every 4 hours. No more, no less.

After realizing this, my first idea was to test my psychological and physical states while in Uber-mode, and so began a series of experiments where I assessed my boundaries and limits to observe (or suffer) the positive and negative effects that Uberman induces. I’ve been writing this post now for quite some time, and much of my results had to be omitted otherwise this post would be longer than the combined length of a Giraffe's tongue and an Elephants penis (...). So I apologize if I ever made you, my dear beloved reader, believe that I had died of sleep deprivation (I kid you not someone actually sent an email asking if I had died from sleep deprivation, oh how I feel the guiltiness right about now).

Examining the Uber

Where to begin? Well to start off, being in Uber-mode I feel great. And in every sense of the word. After every nap I awake so full of energy I feel like a can of Red Bull. It’s as if I always have something to do and I’m always enthusiastic about doing it. Although it may sound strange and panzy-ish but I also feel, well, creative. I constantly have ideas and designs that I must put on paper or test out, whether that be in programming, writing, whatever. My mind feels so clear and yet so full. It’s quite frankly difficult to describe. And this isn’t just for short periods of time by the way - I’m always like this. Analyzing and pondering my plans for the next 12 hours or even day is not unusual.

Idiot: "Waaooooh duuude... so, like, you live in a different dimension or sumthin?"
Me: "Yes, yes I do."

If you’ve read my previous posts you’d know that I was having difficulty keeping track of what day it was. I’ve been asked recently as to why I noted the need to create new days of the week, it may sound a little farfetched and unnecessary to many so allow me to explain the reason for its use.

Currently, my time system operates on fourteen-day weeks, a ‘day’ is no longer worth 24 hours. A ‘day’ is either time during sunlight, or time during darkness. Without this system I cannot tell what the ‘official’ day is (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, ect). As I’ve mentioned before a day could very well seem the same as a whole week if I didn’t care to notice - they all seems blurred as one. So as a solution these new night-days help me keep track of what light-day is next, it sounds confusing but the easiest way for me to explain is by using an example.

Say you knew today was Monday, other than that you had no other source as to what day of the week it was. How would you know or define the end/start of a new day? The answer is simple. Sleep. You know every morning when get up looking like a truck hit you that it's a new day. That is every human’s natural reset button. Then by incrementing Monday by one you get Tuesday, the process repeats. Sure you could also observe light/dark transitions but that's a hassle. It becomes so difficult to keep track sometimes you can lose all sense of time, especially when a 20 minute nap feels identical to a 5 to 8 hour sleep - one’s inner clock goes haywire. It’s as if my internal chronometer suddenly stopped working. I’m not sure if this is a permanent effect from Uberman or its simply me being a regular dunce. My inability to keep track of time may very well fade away as I continue in Uber-mode, but for now it’s been a rather annoyance that I’ve had to deal with, so I thought it worth mentioning.

The Uber Currency

A curse infamous among Uberman and perhaps all polyphasic sleepers is scheduling. In exchange for this demi-god like presence we are shackled by chains forged by our single source of life: naps. I was naive to think that 4 hours would be enough to do whatever one wished within comfortable margins. It simply isn’t. Every 24 hours that comes to pass I am forced to plan around my naps, from outings, work, even meals, everything has to be considered. Will I have I enough time to get back? Can I perhaps nap elsewhere? Should I go to X event? What time will I be back? What time does the movie start? How much time do I have left? Does it conflict with my nap? These and many more are all questions that I ask myself every single day. This is the result of fighting against the way the world works. I was told by many that this new sleep schedule would not only scramble an exciting and random social lifestyle, but a professional one too. Truth is, they were right... Well, almost.

Professional Uber-ism

I was recently offered (after a gruelling couple of interviews) a job, and a well paid one too. It was a job that a student such as myself couldn’t overlook. I always understood that if I had to, I would let go of Uberman in a heartbeat if it risked making a living. What was scary is that I hadn’t mentioned my irregular sleeping pattern to my employers. But I had to test it, I had test what Uberman would be like in a professional sense, and the time to do so couldn’t have come at a better moment.

I decided to take the frank approach. And on my first day, I spilled the beans and explained everything about Uberman to my boss - the scheduling, benefits, downsides - yes, everything. I was expecting a flat-out “no” but I was splendidly surprised to receive an intrigued response. I should note that the position was full-time, 6 hours a day. This meant I had to have at least 1 nap while working - which my boss thankfully approved.

Since then I’ve been napping while at work, and granted it does involve strenuous daily planning, but it works, somehow. Although a question I keep asking is what will happen when I get a job elsewhere that isn’t as lenient? The truth is I’ll probably have to let go of Uberman, and realistically speaking, I can see that happening. Work however wasn’t the only lingering danger for Uberman’s future, a more serious threat presented itself, and this time it was in a more physical dilemma.

Super-Uberman?...

If you’ve sifted through any part of my blog, you’ll have probably noticed that I really like boxing. Not just as spectator but as a athlete as well. So being a boxer (an amateur boxer, with 0 fights - be afraid) means that I have regular training sessions, 3-4 per a week to be exact. Now as you can imagine these sessions are very intense, I’d be so tired after training I’d fall asleep almost immediately after finishing back in my monophasic days. I’ve done some research into how exercise reacts with polyphasic sleep but there’s little to no information out there, just opinion. So I decided to take up the task of investigating this area myself.

I thought it be wise to take this in steps, beginning from the least to the most difficult intensity of exercise. So I began with something I’ve been doing for a couple of years now, early morning running, otherwise known as ‘roadwork’ in boxing. I’d put this on hold during my adaptation to Uberman so I figured it’d be interesting starting again while in Uber-mode. My roadwork entails a 3 mile run overall, with constant 3 minute sprints then 3 minute jogs.

So Day 1, at 0500 I went out. Came back, had a shower, and carried on with my day. All good. Day 2, at 0500 I went out. Legs felt a little stiff, nothing serious, had a shower, all good once again. Day 3, at 0530, I went out. Legs were extremely stiff, muscles felt painful; I decided to run only half the regular distance, walking felt strange and irregular. I came back, had a shower, decided to not to go out on Day 4 to allow my muscles to rest.

Day 5, went out at 0500, legs still felt stiff, no improvement. I decided to run anyway, full distance. Bad idea. I came back feeling sleepy. My legs were fully stiffened and my muscles felt very tender. I thought it’d be wise to change up and focus on other areas of the body while allowing my legs to rest. Day 6, 0600 I went out. Instead of regular sprints I did a light jog along with 30 minutes of shadowboxing. Yet another bad idea. I simply multiplied the areas of pain. I was experiencing tender/throbbing pain coming from every worked muscle. This wasn’t the same kind of feeling you get after a good days exercise when you wake the next morning. That’s more of an ache, which is in fact a sign of muscle repair and growth. I know that sensation. What I was feeling was more a pain, and it was always present. On top of that I felt tired even though I wasn’t exercising anywhere near scheduled naps.

After my next nap, I awoke an hour after feeling groggy. The answer was thrown into my face. Rest. My mind might be getting enough rest during REM sleep, but not my body. I dove further into this and began researching the effects of sleep on muscle recovery and growth. All signs seemed to agree that the body simply needs more than a few hours to recover from daily wear and tear, let alone forced muscle damage from exercise. This was bad news, particularly for a very active person like myself. I kept looking nonetheless, and stumbled across some interesting snippets that I thought would be interesting to share, along with a trait I seriously began considering.

Secrets of The Uberman

Here’s what’s pretty cool: if you hadn’t known already, many famous thinkers of our time were claimed to be polyphasic sleepers. Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Leonardo Davinci, Thomas Jefferson, Napoleon and Winston Churchill were all reportedly polyphasic do-goers, and their methods of sleeping quickly became nicknamed the “sleep of genius” (just sayin’). Now, other than the high probability that I might just be the most retarded ungifted genius in the world, I figured I study a little more into the sleeping habits of these men. A while after, I came across something highly brow-raising (we’re talking very high, like ceiling-high.)

Talk about brow-raising...

Benjamin Franklin was noted on doing something rather intriguing, every six months or so he’d take a full day and do nothing but sleep. Interesting huh? A ‘sleep day’ they called it and my only assumption for its need would be simply for body/physical recovery. And that got me thinking; maybe I need a ‘sleep day’, but perhaps more frequently? So I tried it. Keeping in mind that I was on Day 7 of my exercise routine, which luckily enough was on a Sunday, I took the day-off.

Admittedly this was difficult. I kept waking up after every 20 minutes or so, and I never really entered deep sleep. Each time I briefly woke I felt less and less tired, but I forced my head down. What I found hilarious and significantly ironic is how up until recent I was desperately trying to stay awake and here I was all of a sudden trying desperately to sleep. Ah, how life works. Anyways, I eventually ended sleeping for about 6 hours, and deemed it impossible to sleep any further. However results showed almost instantly, my muscles lost all sense of stiffness and pain, and my sleeping pattern remained unaffected. So, my theory was confirmed, but that didn’t mean it was good news. Sleeping 2 hours every day then taking a day-off at least once week to do nothing but sleep kinda nullifies the need to go Uber anyway. This required yet more help from our best friend Google, and boy did he help.

I found a few buried forum threads where polyphasic sleepers discussed exercise and they were convinced that sleep was more of a psychological factor for recovery rather than a physical one. It took time but they were eventually able to weed away their need for sleep after exercise, and relied solely on the rest they received from naps, as long as they were actually resting (i.e not doing exercise), they found that their bodies would recover just the same. I should note some of these guys were triathletes and hardcore body builders, and we all know they take extra care of their muscles. Perhaps it’ll take time for me to reach such a state while in Uber-mode. So I’ll give Uberman the benefit of the doubt for now.

With great Uberness, comes great Uber-responsibility

Truth is, Uberman is awesome. Since I left zombie-land I’ve been able to do all kinds of stuff without falling flat on my face. You name it; doing shit, watching shit, heck just having fun for 22 hours is pure awesomeness. The feeling of being awake almost all the time is beyond explanation. During the night it’s as if I’m a lone survivor in a evil conspiracy-driven mass public hibernation plan. Having so much extra time available is so practical, and to an extent that I enjoy the new found balance of social time and alone time. Not to mention constantly exploring new interests and activities. And don’t get me started on the dreaming; I almost always lucid dream during naps, each of them so vivid it can be genuinely difficult to differentiate between reality when I dream about the real world. I wake up feeling flooded with information and memories after every nap. And even though I’d love to write whole books about some of the dreams I have, most of what I write is probably illegal in a couple of countries. Besides, I’m too lazy to write a book.

What it means to become an Uberman

As amazing an experience Uberman is, after analysing it extensively these past few weeks, it made me think twice about its future and stability over a long period, in particular its 4 hour restrictions. At first it was rather novel, having to slip away for a nap, it would often raise interest and invoke conversation, it’s a factor that separates you from the average, it carries a level of exclusivity and with it a slight burden. Life by nature is spontaneous, and no amount of planning can defragment that. I rely so heavily on my 20 minutes that forwarding or even skipping a nap is like directly rejecting my body’s need for air - it’s just as important. At the end of the day, one cannot function without sleep, and missing a nap is like missing a day’s worth of rest. If need be I could push a nap forward by an hour or two, but that bites back later on, and it’s not a pretty sight.

So, the question lies, can I continue Uberman? Yes, yes I can. Comfortably? Maybe. Forever? Probably not. If only the world functioned like I do it would negate much of Uberman's downsides. The solution lies in further experimentation, and I’m not the first to think this. Many have created modified versions of Uberman and other schedules, and this is what I’m currently investigating. If you’ve looked into polyphasic sleep at all you’ve probably seen the diagrams below:

So, is it a matter of simply going eeny-miney-moe and choosing another schedule? If only it were that easy... Instead, I’m going to modify and maybe even combine different schedules until I arrive at a system that meshes perfectly with my lifestyle while retaining all of the epicness that makes Uberman (and polyphasic sleep in general) so awesome. Achieving this however is no easy feat, substantial research and preparation will be needed, and I will report all my findings as I progress. Until then however, I shall remain and enjoy my time in super-Uber-saiyan- mode.

I imagine the emails I shall be receiving in light on this post will force Gmail to shut down my email on suspicion of cyber-sleep-drug trafficking, so you can expect a FAQ post coming soon. In the meantime, just remember, every night while your city sleeps, I, the almighty Uberman, am probably eating some pound cake.