Sunday 17 April 2011

The Definition of "Friend"

ORIGINS

A while back I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, Callum (Yes, you have his name now, if you ever get a hold of his bank details let me know because he owes me £10.... well, not really but I'd like £10 anyway) when this subject popped up, and he was one of the first to insinuate the fact that I should empty my thoughts out onto a blog, so he's partly the reason why I'm here writing this. I should also give credit to my PC because without it I would not be here typing the very thoughts that me and Callum ignited that day. And while we're at it, I should award kudos to my mother and father, because without them and the process of "love" I would not be sitting frobnicating (It is an actual word for those of you who have dirty minds). I would also like to thank some buddies of mine from the stone age that I've known for quite a while now and without their invention of fire...
nvm.

ON SUBJECT

Being in university you meet various people very quickly, so you promptly build a mental list of associates that you don't consider "friends" but at the very least someone you might wave at while passing them by, or jump into a brief conversation with without really remembering their name. That kind of level of interactivity.

When you're in you 3rd year you should've by now roughly acquainted yourself with almost every person in your course (I should note that this doesn't just apply to university, I'm only using it as my current example). You slowly learn what people like, how they talk, their average attention span, what makes them bored, what makes them laugh, ect.  So, where exactly am I going with this? I don't know. But bear with me as I'm sure they'll be a great philosophical "MIND = BLOWN" lesson near the end.

Now, at university, there's always a few people, who tend to get along with everyone. I call these people "beacons" (not bacon); they're advance social skills and pretty faces (or asses) tends to get them a lot of attention and noticability (a word this is? Know not I. Put anyway I will.) I often hang around with these "beacons", as an excuse to get to know someone better via secondary-conversation. A social bridge, if you may.


THE POINT


I know quite a few "beacons" in my university, and I'm very good friends with many of them. But after a while you start to notice patterns or "rotations", as I like to call them, with these beacon friends. A "rotation" is a type of social skill that I've noticed many socially-inclined people naturally do, and its something I think we can all learn from or at least be more aware of as it can be a double-edged sword.


On certain days these beacons tend to "rotate" between individuals or groups of people. What does this mean? An example:


Day 1: Hang out with Group X


Day 2: Hang out with Person A


Day 3: Keep to yourself, minimum activity.


Day 4: Hang out with Group Y


Day 5: Focus on Person B


Day 6: Keep to yourself, minimum activity.


Day 7: Repeat.


So, what does this rotation achieve you ask? Put simply; social variation. People are bored. And though they may not always show it, any form of change in their regular routine or from what they usually expect, invokes interest. 


Through this method, the beacon then obtains the same quality as a kind of gift. The beacon becomes a factor that people look forward to in there day, like the first bite of a pound cake, the first chomp always tastes the best, it dignifies the flavour, engraves the aroma. But after the next 5th or 6th, you lose the sensational flavour of that first, single bite.


That's what rotations manage to do. By essentially 'sampling' oneself to people on a rotational basis, people never feel like they've had enough of you. It sounds heartless, but its human nature. It creates a need for that beacon, the beacon instantly becomes registered with others as a joyful, yet more importantly, limited experience. 


It's a very effective technique for those with the right people skills, though it does have its downsides. Too much interchanging can often insinuate a lack of interest for other previously rotated groups, and can often leave the wrong impression. The trick here simply comes down to balancing your friends in the correct manner. Not only that, but focusing too much on who you hang out with on a daily basis can often become more of a chore/task, rather than a opportunity to spread your horizons.


REMARKS


Personally, I am no beacon. Neither do I "rotate". Since my youthful days (I say youthful but I'm only 19), I have always been a humble, collected, conscious person who drifts off far too often. Until however, I manage to annoy people enough with my fail attempts at conversation with strange subjects; like pound cake to eventually force people into friendship. It is a long process, but it does allow me to analyse people thoroughly (albeit awkwardly).


So, there you have it; "rotate" between groups or individuals as often as you can. Not only will it leave the impression that you're a outgoing and sociable person with many connections/friends, it also makes you more of a rare commodity in comparison to other average folk. Although be warned, use it wisely, as it may impose a unwanted impression on others.

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