A Valentines Story

When does the good stuff start?

Only a handful of hours remain before Valentine ’s Day lands a left-hook to my unguarded, bruised loneliness, so I figured until then I’d fight to the very last minute, and write a nice little romance story  as a part of my three two-part Valentines Event. Because deep beneath my jaded outer shell beats the tender heart of a man. You chicks dig that, right?

A Guide to Surviving Valentines Day As a Pathetic Single Loser

 Ah, Valentine's Day. The most self-hate inducing holiday of the year, and just like the year previous, present, and (probably) next, I'm alone, surprising no-one. I'd like to say that it's because I have higher standards than everyone else...so I will. It's because I have higher standards than everyone else.

These have nothing to do with it.

So I figured that because I haven't blogged in a while, and I need something to do with my many loneliness-filled hours, I would craft a magnificent Valentine's Event - three Valentine-themed blogs before Valentine's Day. So check back here over the next few days if you don't have anyone special in your life. And if you're reading this right now, that's pretty likely.

Anyway, for the days leading up to valentines day, I decided to lend some suggestions to my fellow gamers, anime watchers and other virgin stereotypes on how to occupy their time during this celebration of everything that they don't have.

Sub Vs. Dub - Episode 1: Dub Fanaticism

Don't judge, you know you'd hit that. I know I would -  in the face.

I hereby dub (ZING!) this post the most nerdiest collection of words I have ever written, ever. If there are any girls reading this, I know you all have highly sex-giving opinions of me, so for your own heart-breaking safety please stop reading now.

 Okay, so with the horde of extremely hot Jessica Alba resembling women who frequently visit this immensely popular blog no longer reading, I can continue.

A discussion common among many of my anime-watching friends is the classic subbed vs dubbed debate. What is the best way to watch anime? In English or Japanese? Well, here at Pound Cake Central, we (me) aim to solve (or at least fail at solving) this issue once and for all. Lets start off with the history behind this epic nerd-war.

The Soon-To-Be Blank Bestsellers

During my non self-fornicating alone time, I stumbled across an interesting article about a guy named Sheridan Simove who, *ahem* “wrote” a book called “What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex”.  The best thing about this book though is - (SPOILER ALERT) - it’s blank.

HAHAHAHAHA! 

An Apology on Behalf of My Mixed-Gender Ass

So as it turns out, I suck at consistency. But you know what I don’t suck at? Being lazy. I’m (un)surprisingly well accomplished in that field. Point in case: writing.

Alot of shit has been on my mind as of recent, and alot of shit on my mind often means two things: 1) I’ll write about the shit on my mind and 2) my mind stinks of shit. I have so many ideas and stuff I want to write about, but what I’ve written just never gets finished. Point in case #2: Uberman. You probably didn’t know (unless you knew me, were one of my many 0 friends, or you’re my most recent imaginary girlfriend) that I’m actually in the process of ‘leaving’ Uberman. I’ve written lengthy logs, documented progress, the works, but I never seem to actually ‘finish’ any of them. The reason for this is quite simple, and no, before you think “oh he’s about to pull out an excuse to cover his ass like a disgruntled vagina”, I’m not. Truth is, the dog ate it. No word of a lie. Also, how can an ass have a vagina?

Putting all wishfully abundant vaginas aside, it’s rather sad that I’m too occupied being non-occupied to complete alot of the stuff I have in the draft bay. I’m glad I was at least able to finish off this post befo-

Fuck.

The Narration of The End: Cowboy Bebop

One big happy pseudo-family

Taking every advantage of Uberman while I’m still within its napped-grasp, I decided to make Cowboy Bebop the most recent addition to my anime playlist. Before any anime veterans reading stops believing in the me that believes in the you, let me say that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing the Bebop crew before hand. I first watched the series in 2007 and again in 2008, once in English, and once in Japanese. After 2008 I decided to lock all recollection of the Bebop within the deepest bit-locked depths of my hard drive, never to be opened until I was certain it was wiped from natural memory.

Three years later, my brother nit-picking his boredom, Cowboy Bebop was the first chosen to kick-off the nostalgia-filled anime marathon. If you’ve never seen or heard of Cowboy Bebop then I cannot help but shed a tear for your incomplete existence as a human being. In layman’s terms: stop reading these unimportant words and watch Cowboy Bebop, spoilers lie ahead.

The Definition of "Friend"

ORIGINS

A while back I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, Callum (Yes, you have his name now, if you ever get a hold of his bank details let me know because he owes me £10.... well, not really but I'd like £10 anyway) when this subject popped up, and he was one of the first to insinuate the fact that I should empty my thoughts out onto a blog, so he's partly the reason why I'm here writing this. I should also give credit to my PC because without it I would not be here typing the very thoughts that me and Callum ignited that day. And while we're at it, I should award kudos to my mother and father, because without them and the process of "love" I would not be sitting frobnicating (It is an actual word for those of you who have dirty minds). I would also like to thank some buddies of mine from the stone age that I've known for quite a while now and without their invention of fire...

Pound Cake: Origins

Ah, pound cake. For all those who have yet to discover its epicness, enjoy:

I Would Like Some Pound Cake

FIRSTLY!


I see, a screen... I see, a mouse... I see, many keys... Where am I?... What am I?... What am I typing?... Can you see me?... JESUS CHRIST AM I DEAD!!?


OMFG JGH3AO6LOLEUID56IGROFLEOMGWTF MIND = BLOWN!!!!!!!!!!


The above few lines roughly sum up my average day. Exciting right? No. As much as I would like to have my mind blown (no pun intend-...  hehehe, actually nvm leave it there) each and every single day, it would eventually become... not blown?!...