Becoming The Uberman – FAQ's: "Do Not Question the Uberman"

I've been receiving a lot of emails recently in regards to my adaptation of Uberman, several of them being words of support from people all around the world, and I sincerely thank those who took their time to ask about lil’ old me. Your emails are what kill the zombified stare off my face every night, and for that I couldn’t be more grateful. How about some internet bro-fist?

Amongst the emails I receive, many are questions curious about Uberman and polyphasic sleep. I figured I’d compile these questions and share the things I’ve learned since starting the Uberman system.

Q1: What do you do to keep yourself occupied?

I understand that I haven’t really talked much about what I do with my extra time in my entries (mainly just how sleep-deprivation will one day replace recreational drugs). But I will go into detail in regards to this more on my Day 5 log, which should be up soon.

Q2: Do you have any tips or tricks for waking/getting up after your naps?

Plenty. But I use them depending on what state I’m in before napping. If I feel ok before a nap I’ll usually just set a few alarms, in any other case, I’ll take extra precautions. I’ll list them here so everyone can get a good look-see.

-          Sleep with the light on. This has saved me numerous times from extreme over-sleep. I’d recommend it only when you’re that tired you probably wouldn’t care if you slept on the edge of a volcano with baby dragons gnawing at your arm (and that’s most days for me).

-          A glass of water. Most people seemed confused by this when I mention it in my post; it’s more of an ‘emergencies only’ apparatus if anything. You will not believe how difficult it can be to physically get up after a nap, especially during the adaptation phase. If it feels like your body won’t let you stand, grab that glass of water and empty it on your face with such resolve it’s as though you’ve been stranded for the last 3 years on a desert island with no water except for a blooded companion named ‘Wilson’. It helps.

-          People who are trying to adapt to polyphasic schedules often just set 2+ alarms to ring at the same time. Makes sense. But I found that if I’m extremely tired; my wayward body will happily walk over to each alarm, disable it, collect it, and then display them in a nice mound ready for me to scream at the next morning. The solution? Set each alarm to go off a few minutes apart, and give your body a nice long middle-finger for satisfaction.

-          No comfy-business. Use a thin blanket for warmth (or warm clothing; thick socks, ect.). Use only one decently-sized pillow. Sleep on a couch or anything else less comfortable than a bed. You will NOT be able to wake up if you nap on a bed when you’re eye-lids are on the verge of raping themselves. Believe me, I have tried.

-          This goes without saying, but it has to be repeated. Use a loud alarm. And by loud - I mean LOUD. Something that will not only waken you, but deafen you. If you blackout during one of your naps, your only chance to wake up is a bitch-whore-annoying-kitchen- ass-constantly-moaning-screaming alarm. You have been warned.

Q3: Why did you decide to take up Uberman/Polyphasic sleep?

It all started off one ominously busy coursework-hand-in-looming day, while during procrastination, a good friend of mine Gareth explained to me the mystical awesomeness that is the ‘Uberman’. I was instantly obsessed. Hearing the amazing tales of people having 22 hours of fuck-about time sounded so epic it almost brought me to tears. That’s it. I’m not gonna preach about how I desperately lusted for more time to study, work, bla bla bla. I love being lazy. I also love sleeping a lot. And now I can sleep multiple times throughout the day while having more time being the natural born lazy-ass that I am. A win-win situation.

Q4: Other than Uberman, what else do you write about on your blog?

Apart from Uberman, I’m usually pouring my thoughts on to a keyboard. I usually write about whatever is on my mind at the time. I enjoy writing; it’s one of my hobbies, and so is hunting. I actually have a couple of in-progress articles waiting in the draft bay, but since Uberman I haven't enough energy and (believe it or not) little time to finish them. In summary, I’m just allowing my mind to babble its own inner-inner-thoughts. It’s a blog, just like any other, but mine is awesome because [insert a long nonsensical yet slightly humorous reason here] - And that’s why the universe exists.

Q5: What’s an RSS feed? And how do I subscribe to it?

This has nothing to do with the Uberman sleep cycle, I know. But I get asked this a lot, so I figured I might as well answer it here. Firstly, Google is your best friend. But for you noobs out there, I shall explain anyway.

RSS is method used to notify others for regularly changing web content. News sites, blogs and many others use it as a way of informing the interwebs that something shiny and new has happened on their site. A good example of this is Cracked.com (which is quite possibly one of the most awesome sites ever to exist), and they use RSS feeds as a way of telling subscribers when they’ve got new stuff to show. I discovered these messengers of the interholes when a good friend of mine Iain told me about them. I have been scavenging feeds for updates ever since.

As for subscribing to RSS feeds, there are numerous methods. I prefer updating feeds myself using live bookmarks. This is different depending on your browser. I shall list them as follows:

- If you’re using Firefox, you’re set. It already includes a way to add RSS feeds as ‘live bookmarks’ which are constantly updated within your browser. For extra awesomeness (courtesy of your friendly neighborhood e-thug Iain) Firefox also has an add on called "Ticker" which scrolls your RSS feeds in a sort of news roll at the bottom of your screen, and when hovering your mouse over the feed title it even gives you a quick preview. Pretty cool right? That’s why Firefox is badass. Too bad it eats memory like EpicMealTime eats bacon.

- If you’re using Chrome, you’ve got it tough. Chrome doesn’t really have a built-in RSS reader like Firefox, and it doesn’t have a ‘live bookmark’ feature either. The best way to add this functionality is through this little app here. It shouldn’t take too long to set up.

- If you’re using Internet Explorer, I have nothing to say to you. You should probably go burn in internet hell as punishment for your inter-crimes. Infact, Internet Explorer is that bad, I’m pretty sure it slows down the ENTIRE internet just for existing. Just my two cents. But hey, I’m a nice guy, and I bring good news. IE has since redeemed itself by having an inbuilt RSS reader too (ffs Chrome you should be embarrassed), so all you IE users are partially forgiven.

That about sums it up. I’ll update this post regularly if I receive any other questions that frequently crop up. Now, time for me to pwn some imaginary noobz. Goodnight.